So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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