it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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