Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
