I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
