Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
