We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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