I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
