I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
