Can i not drive my cunt home
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
