I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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