am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
