Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
