Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
