I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
