The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
