he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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