I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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