I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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