there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
