when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
cat food counts as protein by the way
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
