I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
