She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just invented taco cereal.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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