too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
