dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
