Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
