6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
