I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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