Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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