My liver just broke up with me...
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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