Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
