the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
