whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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