from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
