yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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