I'm really into asian looking animals
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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