my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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