the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
