I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
