You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
