that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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