So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
