I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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