yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
