I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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