On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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