...so i touched it.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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