why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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