Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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