i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
