Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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